Pope Benedict XVI and the Rise of the Machines


In his Daily Mail article praising the outgoing Pontiff Geoffrey Levy Reveals Herr Ratzinger’s miraculous capabilities!

The print edition of Levy’s article asks: will the next Pope be African? Which is, of course, an oblique rephrasing of the question, will the next Pope be black? For a newspaper which rails against political correctness this strikes me as a capitulation to the language modifying wiles of the Guardian reading classes. But never mind that; what I want to know is, will the next Pope be a time traveller too?

Levy writes,

Ordained in 1951, his road to Rome was via several universities where he taught theology, becoming a professor, before being made Cardinal of Munich in 1997.

                Four years later he was called to Rome as one of its senior figures and theological watchdogs, and 25 years later succeeded Pope John Paul II.

That’s 1997 plus four, plus twenty-five more. Hold on a sec’, let me grab my abacus; Holy Shit! I make that about 2026. This raises a number of fascinating questions: is it a miracle? Has the Vatican finally embraced science and discovered the secrets of time travel? Or is Pope Benedict XVI actually a machine sent by Skynet to assassinate the future leader of the resistance?

Pope Benedict XVI?

Pope Benedict XVI?

Is Judgement Day finally upon us?

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